Yo Megusta Tequila!
by grandiloquentCaecity
Summary: One tequila! Two tequila! Three tequila! Floor!


**Let's just say it's a long story, and you really don't want to know. But hey, that's the truth for so many things in my life...**

**Throwing shuriken at my wall is fun!**

**Ahem... Sorry about that... Yeah, I should probably start writing, shouldn't I...**

**Warning: Contains crack, alcohol, swords, and dead peeps. Nuff said.**

**I do not own Bleach, and especially not Ulquiorra, no matter how cool he is... But I do have shuriken! Which I was throwing at my wall earlier! Much fun there! Oh, and the two new Espada are mine, they are made up for the purpose of this fic. **

Ah, another day in Hueco Mundo. The place where all the evil dead people live. Yup, Hueco Mundo...

They make great tequila.

What- they don't make tequila!? But what else do they do all day...

Find out for myself? Why would I do that?

Yes, I am lazy and proud of it, dammit!

Fine fine, I'll go see. Geez.

So after that little episode with the director (who knew they could be so... directing), we turn our attention to Las Noches, the place with the most dead people! Wow, real positive thoughts there... Anyway, I bet you are tired of hearing me ramble, so on to the best part! The alcohol!

And no, I will not shut up!

'._.' '._.' '._.'

Ulquiorra walked into the Espada Lounge, the place where all the Espada hang out. Hence the name.

"Ulquiorra!!!!!" Someone yelled out. He looked over to see one of the newcomers, Bibiana. She and Domitila were the two newest Espada, ranked 7 and 9 respectively. People used to like to make fun of Bibiana since her name meant alive... until she killed them, that is. Same thing with Domitila, her name means 'tame little one'... Yeah, that is SO not the case here.

Anyway, Bibiana ran up to Ulquiorra and grabbed his sleeve, and uncharacteristically large grin on her face.

"C'mon, Ul! Join the fun!" She said (more like yelled in his ear), tugging at the sleeve that was still in her grip. Then he noticed her one blue and one brown eyes were wide and glazed and her black hair was messy.

Oh great, someone brought out the tequila.

He looked around the room only to see the others in similar states. Nnoitra was swaying where he sat, a glass in his hand, singing (quite awfully, might I add) with Szayel, who's pink hair was sticking straight up and looked slightly burnt. _Oh great, I bet one of his inventions blew up and he brought out the alcohol. _Ulquiorra thought. Halibel, Stark, Yammy, and that one old guy who everyone assumes is the leader but no one even remembers his name, were all sitting around one of the circular tables in the room and talking casually. Wow, talk about non-arrancar behavior there. Then lastly, Domitila and Grimmjow were yelling at each other, both with glints in their eyes and looks on their voices that said they were enjoying themselves. All of a sudden, they both burst out in laughter, collapsing onto the floor.

Ulquiorra sighed, this was not going to be pleasant.

"C'mon Ulqui-ul! Loosen up! Have a drink! Have I ever told you you look like a Tony?" Bibiana said, jamming a glass into his hand. He looked down at the cup in his hand and sighed, there was nothing to lose.

-

Ulquiorra was laughing. _Laughing! _Call the police! The apocalypse is happening! The most stoic of all Espada was actually showing emotion... That, or it's the tequila... Yeah, definitely the alcohol. Never mind people! False alarm!

Yes, it's true. He was laughing along with the others as they watched Domitila was bashing Grimm over the head with a chair, yelling 'I smite you with blunt force trauma!' over and over the entire time. It was really quite amusing to watch.

Then the door opened.

Revealing Gin.

Greeeeeaaaat...

He grinned at them and then closed the door slowly, his grin still visible the entire time until the door was completely shut. Every one was silent, staring at the door. Until, that is, Domitila hit Grimm again, causing the chair to shatter.

"Shit, woman! What was that for!?" He yelled at her.

"Comic releif." She replied simply before skipping off singing 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!'.

Well this just goes to show that the Espada and alcohol are a strange combination.


End file.
